I had a rough, long, boring, stressful day today. It started early and has ended late, and I ate fairly badly for dessert tonight. I'll give my basic menu today, in the interest of full disclose.

Breakfast was some granola (homemade) and nonfat plain yogurt.

Lunch was carrots, an apple, a peach, and some leftover homemade pizza from last night. This was eaten at a six hour conference in place of the meal they served (which was overpriced and not that tasty, anyway).

Dinner was what my Inlaws served. I had a slice of block Parmesan for a snack. The main event was some hamburger and bratwurst with no buns, corn, some baked beans, grilled onion, and a small serving of rhubarb cobbler.

This wasn't bad, I was within or close to my daily calorie estimates, as far as I could tell. Deciphering the calories in my MIL's cooking is tricky, but she is a health nut and all the food was good quality and not laden with fat.

The problem came about when I got home from this day. I made my DH a cake for father's day and didn't use as much discretion as normal when cooking. I was still very full from dinner, but I WANTED cake batter and frosting. So I ate some, and maybe a 1/4 cup serving of peanut m&ms as well. But the cake was very rich - devils food cake with penuche fudge frosting - and I was physiologically full to begin with. I only had a small sliver of cake, an inch by two inches from my 9x13 pan, and a cup (literally) of milk. I was satisfied with that amount, I got a taste and was good.

But the previous junky foodfest hit my stomach and now I feel icky full, as often happens to me later in pregnancy (my uterus is mere inches from my sternum now, very squished stomach as a result). So while my eating was maybe 500 calories over my budget, maybe more, I feel MUCH worse than I would otherwise because of the lack of room. I feel like I ate a house instead of a few spoonfuls of frosting and a half cup of cake batter. It wasn't much of a binge, but it feels like it.

To learn from this, I do feel a little guilty, but I know beating myself up over one evening's worth of bad food, when the rest of the day was planned, is silly and pointless. I knew what I was doing when I did it, and it definitely was naughty and not very healthy. It also wasn't very satisfying. This does just reinforce why I usually eat moderately and enjoy some desserts but don't let myself go overboard. Some foods are tough for me, and brownie batter/chocolate cake batter/any cookie dough are at the top of the 'I have no control!' list. But I did only eat a sliver of the finished cake, with little desire for more over the next few days. It's simply too sweet and rich. And the batter is now out of my house, not to return any time soon. And my husband and kids will enjoy is treat without me feeling very tempted at all.

I can't shake my disappointment in my slip, especially since I usually do very well, and having the scale climbing up has made being vigilant a little more difficult than normal (its just the way pregnancy goes!). So I think my plan it to remember is feeling of icky over-fullness, the sweetness that is more sickly than tasty to me, and the fact that even a few counted and measured slices of homemade pizza sit in my belly just fine provided I have eaten a lot of fiber and not OVEReaten on the richer foods. A little goes a long way, and this just reminds me how much I need to listen to my fullness cues and not overeat. It just isn't a pleasant thing to do.

So I have fessed up to a bad evening. My game plan, as always, despite any guilt I may feel, is to get right back on the horse tomorrow morning with a healthy breakfast, a solid lunch, and a very light dinner (those seems to be the combo that helps me avoid heartburn the best in the evenings). The scale may go way up due to sugar and salt, as well as sleep deprivation lately. But what the scale does doesn't need to affect my health or responses to my situation. As o have said countless times, I control my eating, and the scale will go where it may. Overeating during pregnancy, especially, is NOT worth it, and if the scale does go up, I am committed to that reason NOT being my lack of healthy habits of vigilance over what goes in my mouth.

I am by no means a diet Nazi, but there is just next to no payoff to indulging in the things I did tonight. I know why I did it - stress, exhaustion, availability, and a handy excuse of a holiday for my sweets-loving husband. But none of those are good enough reasons to feed that empty junk to my body and overstuff myself to the point of discomfort. So onward I go from tonight, and tomorrow morning will be just as it usually is - healthy and on plan. We all slip and fall, but the real strength is in getting back up.