Not off, entirely, of course. My eating is still well on track. But after five planned days of great workouts and a two pound loss holding steady today, I am taking time to deliberately not exercise. I may yet get in a bit, I am waffling, but my normal block will be necessarily interrupted by my poor husband.

He has been through the wringer. That man works his butt off for hours a day, then additionally the moment he comes home, because he loves me and wants to help. He has been given more and more deadlines and no additional pay to compensate for the hours, and his days are so long he is averaging four to five hours of sleep a night (and he is the kind of person who needs more than eight to function well). He is the most loving, amazing man a woman could ask for and I could not be more blessed, but I am tired of watching him burn the candle at both ends and the middle, too.

Today was the last straw for him. He literally could not make a decision and was so burnt out it was palpable even in an email. Our medical bills for the birth came due and there are more bills than money right now. While we both are completely firm in the knowledge that the Lord will provide for us, as He always has, it was just the kick Peter didn't need while he was already tired, late on a deadline, and generally stressed beyond belief.

I cancelled an appointment he had this evening with some friends of ours he is counseling. I remanded the grocery list I'd given him and ordered him to come straight home (he usually does all the shopping and errands). The moment he walks in the door he is getting a hug, kiss, and then sent straight to bed to nap with the kids while I take care of everything this evening.

It doesn't matter how tired or stressed I am, how much I want to work out, or how difficult it is to leave our son content while I run errands - my husband's sanity and health matters more. As much as I hate the nighttime routine and am no good at it (he manages the kids in the evening, it is the only time he can spend with them) unless he wakes up I am not disturbing that man for the world, tonight. Sleep won't finish a deadline, pay a bill, or get anything checked off the eternally growing list of stuff we need to do, but it is the only thing I can give him right now to show him how much I deeply love and appreciate all he is doing.

Being a stay at home mom isn't as easy as many would chalk it up to be - you get to watch your spouse wring themselves dry out of love for the family and protection of you. So that YOU can serve your children and him in the best way possible, they bear the weight of the entire financial and moral responsibility of the family. At the end of the day, I am accountable to my husband, but he is accountable to God for the physical and spiritual condition of those placed in his care. I get to enjoy the fruits of my labor here at home, my warm house, lovely kitchen smells, happy children, and the more than occasional mess or five, because he loves me enough to provide me everything I need to happily tend a home while he fights for every dime outside these walls. How awesomely am I loved, that he sacrifices so much of himself day after day to care for me? And what a beautiful picture of Christ's sacrificial love he provides in our marriage, through serving everyone but himself in life. I have beautiful clothes and he wears holes in his shoes. Our children have laughter and play in the evenings at the expense of his sleep, because he wants to show how much he loves them.

We all sit here and enjoy the beauty and warmth and love of our home, because he works so tirelessly and diligently for so little reward and satisfaction. All I can do is serve in return, serve our Lord as diligently, in the province I have been given to preside over. My husband has entrusted all he has worked for on this earth to me - his wealth, his children, his body... All these are mine to care for. So I will do what I can, what little I can, to serve him with all the love I can muster. I can't pull a paycheck or drive a commute, it isn't what I was designed for. But I can train up his children in the way he wants them to go, and care for these precious souls we were given. I can creatively manage every cent of our budget and not selfishly spend it on all my own wants. I can make his favorite foods, fold his laundry, clean his messes, send him little I-love-you's throughout the day. I can tend to his whole soul, fulfill his need for friendship, a companion, a beloved wife.

I can pray for him. Constantly. That is the most powerful weapon for defeating the problems of this fallen world that I have at my disposal, and unlike my precious husband, I am blessed with the time to be able to empty my thoughts throughout the day and commit his needs to the Lord.

So, dear readers, I am not exercising today. I am not sitting down to read, or listen to a sermon, or play with any craft. I served him throughout the day today with good food, happy kids, and a clean house. And tonight, I am pulling a double shift, because he needs me to. He would never ask, but I love him enough to do hear his pleas on this matter. And in following the example he has given me, I am going to stuff any desires for personal selfishness and just focus on serving the other half of my soul as best I can. So I will work, because he needs rest. And I can't give him much else today.

And tomorrow? It will be better.