Let's start out with some facts, before we discuss the causes and fixes.

Fact One: Today I was at 202.0.

Fact Two: I began the month a 203.6.

Fact Three: Last Monday, I was 201.6.

Now, have I gained? Effectively no. I'm sick right now and had rice last night for dinner. These both lead to major water retention, and my pattern for the week has not been one of a gain, but of holding steady. For the month, I am just slightly, consistently down (I started the month in the 202-204 range and have ended it in the 200-202 range). But I am still above 200, and not moving down the scale with any consistency or speed.

This isn't a plateau, folks. It's a phenomenon that strikes many long term weight loser and maintainers - complacency. It isn a regain, either. I still religiously count my calories and log my food. I'm not overeating to the point of gaining. But what I AM doing is subconsciously mainaining my weight, even though I am not at my goal and my will says I don't want to stick around here. My body, my brain, my habits, however, are all saying that I DO want to be here. Part of me, enough to override my verbal wishes on the subject, has forgotten how much fat sucks. It sees things are better, and that I look and feel okay. It says 'this is good, you did well, let's enjoy ourselves at this size and not do all that restricting and vigilance'.

Some part of me has decided to become complacent with better, when much better and best is still waiting. I'm not normally the kind of person to settle, but in such a long journey as losing weight, it is easy to ease off your calorie deficit and settle into maintenance. There's nothing wrong with that. Bouncing around a two pound window doesn't make me a failure, evil, bad, or anything other negative moral judgment people might assign someone who is content to remain fat. But complacency doesn't make me slimmer, either. And slimmer is my goal. I want it, but not badly enough to push through complacency with any real vigor.

Until now.

This whole new year has been spent swishing around, being wishy-washy with losing weight. Enough of me hasn't wanted it badly enough to buckle back down. Yesterday that changed. Complacency hasn't gained me any weight, which is a massive adjustment for a woman who ate her way up to morbid obesity through a lifetime of bad habits. Not gaining, and in fact, maintaining a loss and not quitting with logging and counting, is HUGE! I will never diminish my achievements in this area, I worked hard and consistency, even in maintaining, is no small matter. But my goal of being smaller, healthier, more active and energetic - this hasn't gone away. And as spring comes (slowly, this is Alaska, after all!) and the wedding draws more near, the need and desire to get another 20-30 pounds of this weight off in a solid stretch becomes more pressing.

I want to look and feel better. That means it is time to stop stalling myself with my choices and time to say no to my inner two year old a little more often and eat with some discipline. I can't do this on my own, so prayer and action in this area is crucial. But one way or another, my stint with complacency is done. I have a million reasons, good reasons, why I am not moving down the scale. We're in my husband's last week of work before a new job, Seth hasn't been sleeping well, I'm sick and having hormone issues, my social obligations involving food have been through the roof, etc etc etc. All true, all valid.

But now it is time for my reasons TO keep losing weight to out-weight my reasons NOT TO. As previously mentioned, my plan isn't the problem. If I stick to my calorie budget, I lose weight. So, as the ubiquitous Nike slogan says, I need to "Just Do It"!